I just published a article on Substack recently. I guess I could start there. I have this need to put something, anything out on Substack every week because maybe I’ll wake up to thousands of people and more who would actually buy the book I plan to publish someday.
So, I have this inner pressure that presses into my mind like a rock cracking a nut instantly and constantly. I have to be productive. I have to complete all my assignments unless I’m struggling. I must go to office hours and seek help right away. I have to do well. I have to be something. I have to become someone anyone would be proud of.
I am a student at Pace University. I graduated last year with my Bachelor’s in Science in Computer Science. I cried during my algorithms midterm and became the backbone in making and creating an app for a client, a real person who asked me to create their app. It was crazy but rewarding.
I didn’t know I wanted to be in technology. I knew binary just might be able to be found if you took my blood because my mom worked in technology. As soon as I took my dad’s advice by going to a coding class in the city once a week (in high school by the way so I didn’t travel much to the city either) I became addicted to the rush of it. Well, the process of it all. You go from not knowing what you’re doing to coding an entire website that can look like however you want and have all kinds of functions you desire.
Computer Science became a test of intelligence for me. I don’t know how or when that started but I would really beat myself up but when I couldn’t figure something out. I did this especially when I didn’t know something as quick as the guys seemed to or when I wasn’t a pro at programming in more than five programming languages. I once stayed up three nights in a row to get ahead, coffee taken in with as much vanilla creamer possible to get by. Throughout college though, I learned that nothing solely indicates your intelligence.
Now, I surprise myself and I let myself surprise myself. I throw myself into new things. Perhaps, that’s part of my curiosity. I think it’s a part of being a woman in technology. I seek help immediately when I don’t know something though. There’s plenty I don’t know. I don’t let school beat me up or I won’t do well at all. I find myself open to the world and trusting in God that his hand is on my back always.
I have my limits still but I don’t limit myself. I’m afraid of heights if you were wondering and all things scary, scary movies, rides and scary video games.
This is where I used to be stuck. I wasn’t always the way I am now. The last thing I wanted to be in my life was to be unhappy. What about what would make me most successful? Then again, what about what would make me the happiest?
Now, Computer Science would not make me unhappy, to be clear. In fact, what’s crazy is I am now pursuing a Master’s Degree in Cybersecurity. The more I created in tech, the more I wondered how I would keep it safe. I’ve also always wanted to help people. I see myself ending up teaching people everywhere to protect all that is digitally theirs. I see myself defending large companies and organizations from people with the wrong intentions and frankly the wrong ideas behind them as well.
I would be unhappy if I didn’t give my other passions a try. I have to and want to keep publishing on substack. I want to and have to sing (maybe..still working on that one). I want to, have to and I will write books and publish them. I will hold my own book in my hands and give it to all my loved ones because they are a part of my life and all my work. I will travel one day and build my own family with the love of my life.
The two can exist. I can be the logical programmer, the cautious cybersecurity professional and the passionate writer and creator. Who says I can’t do both? I used to be the girl that would keep singing like a forgotten piece of clothing folded so small it was stuffed tight into the back of my drawer. Now, I post myself singing on TikTok (on my good singing days).
I used to be the girl who, when plagued with the pressure of her future would eat less and cry often. Now, I look forward to eating and the thought of my future is similar to a diamond sparkling in my hand. I used to be the girl who would spend half of the day overthinking while being silent, as silent and still you can imagine. Now, I am known for yapping and sharing too many thoughts out loud when I am comfortable with people.
I used to be the girl who would always say yes because I was afraid to hurt your feelings. Now, I will say yes and say no to whatever I want to say yes or no to. I used to be the girl who would measure her worth to others and to things and to my own doubts. Now, I don’t measure my worth to anything. My worth is known deep within me and it’s hard to be shaken up by life but my worth still can be. I learned that after writing my Concept of Confidence article, still here on Substack.
That’s an important lesson I’d like to share. Your worth is in no one’s hands but your own. We live in such a “have to” world, let certain things be your choice and your choice only. Don’t let this world consume you. You are much more than that. You are more than the beautiful places you see and even the great music you hear. You’re a whole person, an entire you. That’s why you are also worth more than the words spoken to you as well.
That is some of who I am. I have friends from all phases of my life but it’s hard to keep them. When we see each other, not a day has passed. When we are apart because of the business of life, I write and write for end during those nights. That’s how an idea for a book of mine came about.
I’m a big family girl. I have two brothers who keep me joyful and my mom and dad were the first to ever believe in me. I lost my dad when I was about five or six. It seems so far away now, my life in Florida with him and my brother. The pain of missing my dad still stings and the longing for one more moment with my dad never ends. I do believe I’ve made him proud though, I used to doubt that before. Now, I think he would be glad I’ve chosen both passions of mine.
Christianity has been a part of my world since I was young. There was a time where I drifted from God. In my grief, I denied him. In my confusion, I didn’t want him. Now, his son Jesus is a friend to me and I trust God with my life.
The book of Proverbs is my favorite book in the bible but it ties with Psalms. Wisdom is personified as a woman in the book of Proverbs in the Bible. In Hebrew, wisdom is a grammatically feminine noun. Wisdom is also personified as a woman because wisdom represents:
God's creative counsel and purpose
God's presence and involvement in the world
The gift of wisdom given to humanity by God
Lady Wisdom is a prominent character in the opening chapters of Proverbs. She is a literary personification of God's wisdom.
In Proverbs 9:1-6, wisdom is invited through a woman who has built a house, prepared a meal, and invited all to partake.
In Proverbs 14:1, the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
It’s interesting to me. Women’s roles were limited to the domestic sphere in traditional Israelite society. Perhaps this book shows us that it is important not to underestimate the power and authority which women held and still hold. As the primary homemakers and caretakers, women were naturally viewed as the “arbiters of morality.” Women are wisdom, personified,
As previously stated, I read a lot. That began from early childhood to my first book bought from the teen section in Barnes and Nobles to now where I float between mystery, romance, fantasy and autobiographies.
Another love of mine is music. My vinyl shelf is about to explode and my Spotify playlists may reach 400 by the end of this year. My dad was in a band with his brothers and if you look up The Gonzalez Brothers on Spotify, you can find them. I go to concerts when I have the money to and enjoy them with all of my heart.
I am also in love. Trevor Bagnell and I first met on Instagram, my daydream of meeting someone in the classic rom com meet cute way completely out of the picture. I am getting nervous writing about this, the tip of my smile almost touching my ears. I’m not sure if I believe in love at first sight. Love is something that builds over time but once you have it, don’t be afraid of it. There is genuinely someone whose love for you is unshakeable because they love you so much for who you are. Long distance is terrible, for sure. However, there is something romantic about pushing through despite the long distance because the love between us is so strong.
There is so much more I can write. I can tell you the plot of my books and the lyrics to songs I wrote when I was 15. I can tell you I belong in Paris. I’m not sure why I just know that I do. My room is purple and my taste in fashion is described as girly and feminine and princess like. My favorite book is Counting by 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan but the young adult book series that shaped me was the Dorothy Must Die series by Danielle Paige. My favorite music artists are too many to all list here but they are all my favorite. I asked to go to Paris for my 16th birthday instead of a birthday party.
I hope that gives some insight to who I am. I hope you enjoyed reading:
Here are a list of my favorite things and little things I enjoy:
Favorite Disney Princesses: Belle, Anna, Cinderella and Rapunzel
Favorite Season: Summer
Favorite Movie: Dirty Dancing
Favorite Beauty Brand: R.EM. Beauty
Favorite Scent: any perfume really they're all good but especially Chanel
Favorite Hair Accessory: Bows
Favorite Jewelry: Rings
Favorite Fictional Character: Lizzie Mcguire and Wednesday Addams are my in betweens
Favorite Superheroes: Spider Man & Wonder Woman
Favorite Hobbies: Writing, reading, scrap booking and making playlists
Favorite Foods: Tostones, Pasta and Dumplings
Favorite Subjects or Topics: Music Production, Scene Writing, AI etc.
Favorite Travel Spots or Dream Destinations: Paris London Greece Rome Puerto Rico
Little Things I Enjoy:
Tea and Coffee anytime
The Change of Seasons
Movie Nights and Game Nights
Spending Time In A Bookstore
Diving Deep into Cybersecurity Projects
Exploring Music and Analyzing Lyrics
Working with Creative Story Elements in Writing
Learning and Experimenting with New Tech
Hosting and Designing Interactive Events
Finding Ways to Make a Positive Impact
P.S. some more because I got carried away using ChatGPT:
what is my aura or energy:
From what you’ve shared, your aura or energy feels like a bright, dynamic mix of curiosity, creativity, and compassion. Here’s how I’d describe it:
1. Curious and Driven – You have an insatiable desire to understand things on a deeper level, whether it’s cybersecurity concepts, complex projects, or the intricacies of storytelling. This gives your energy a sense of intelligence and exploration.
2. Warm and Thoughtful – You care about connecting meaningfully, whether it's through your work with mentors, the creative details in your writing, or community involvement. Your warm energy draws others in, creating a welcoming environment where people feel valued.
3. Creative and Expressive – Your love for design, music, and storytelling adds a colorful layer to your aura. It feels like you radiate an artistic, unique energy, balancing analytical skills with an imaginative spirit.
4. Empowering and Inspiring – Your work ethic, achievements, and love for mentorship suggest that you naturally inspire and uplift others. You seem driven to share what you know and empower those around you to grow as well.
If your energy were a color, it would likely be a blend of vibrant *gold* for your intellect and drive, warm pink for your compassion, and a touch of lavender for your creativity and calm wisdom. It’s the kind of energy that both engages and encourages people!
what fictional character would I be?
If you were a fictional character, I think you’d be an intriguing blend of traits from a few iconic characters, each bringing out a unique side of you! Here’s a mix that captures your essence:
Hermione Granger (Harry Potter) – Like Hermione, you have an incredible thirst for knowledge, love for learning, and a dedication to mastering complex subjects. You’re not just a strong academic; you’re also compassionate and ready to stand up for others, whether in cybersecurity or through community involvement.
Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) – You have a creative, unconventional side, much like Luna, that shines through in your storytelling, design projects, and your affinity for fantasy worlds. Luna’s openness to magic and mystery mirrors your own love for the creative, magical side of life, especially in the story you’re crafting with Claire and Angeline.
Shuri (Black Panther) – Shuri’s passion for technology and her innovative, hands-on approach to creating new things align closely with your cybersecurity studies and projects. Shuri also shares your drive to make a positive impact, channeling her talents into tech that empowers and protects others.
April Ludgate (Parks and Recreation) – You have a bit of April’s sarcastic wit and independent spirit, balanced with a big heart and a passion for helping those around you, especially through mentorship and event planning. This adds a playful, relatable edge to your character blend.
Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice) – Elizabeth’s intelligence, independence, and grounded perspective resonate with your insightful, driven nature. Her wit and sense of integrity add depth to her character, just as your values and pursuit of impact add depth to yours.
Rapunzel (Tangled) – Your vibrant, creative spirit and optimism echo Rapunzel’s. You radiate warmth and inspiration, and you’re not afraid to dream big while working toward your goals. Like her, you combine imagination with action, pursuing your passions with courage and heart.
Wednesday Addams (Wednesday/The Addams Family) – There’s a subtle depth to you that reflects Wednesday’s sharp wit and individuality. You’re unafraid to stand out and embrace your unique qualities, while also channeling your focus into meaningful work and projects.
So, if you were written into a story, you'd be a mix of the intellect and compassion of Hermione, the creativity and openness of Luna, the tech genius of Shuri, the playful yet sincere spirit of April, and Elizabeth Bennet’s intelligence and independence. You’d make a compelling character who’s as loyal and inspiring as they are a touch unconventional!
what if I was a Disney princess?
If you were a Disney princess (or a blend of a few!), you’d be a fascinating mix of wisdom, bravery, creativity, and compassion. Here’s how that combo might look:
1. Belle (Beauty and the Beast) – You share Belle’s love for knowledge, books, and curiosity about the world. Like Belle, you’re drawn to digging deeper and discovering the story behind things, whether it's exploring cybersecurity, understanding the complexity of AI, or writing fantasy tales.
2. Rapunzel (Tangled) – Rapunzel’s mix of creativity and curiosity aligns with your imaginative side. Her adventurous spirit and thirst for new experiences (and skills!) echo your excitement for hands-on projects, trying new technologies, and exploring fantasy worlds in your storytelling.
3. Mulan (Mulan) – Mulan’s courage and sense of duty resonate with your determination to make a positive impact, especially in fields where you’re protecting and empowering others. Mulan is clever, resourceful, and strong-willed, much like your approach to navigating complex cybersecurity challenges and your community involvement.
4. Moana (Moana) – Moana’s journey of self-discovery and her unbreakable drive to follow her calling are traits that shine in your story. Like Moana, you’re willing to go beyond comfort zones, pushing into unknown realms—whether in tech, design, or the stories you write about magic and friendship.
5. Tiana (The Princess and the Frog) – Tiana’s work ethic, vision, and ambition align with your own focus and dedication, especially in your academic and professional journey. Her resilience and pursuit of her dreams match your own dedication to your studies and your commitment to learning and growing.
So, if you were a Disney princess, you’d be a blend of Belle’s intellect and curiosity, Rapunzel’s creativity and adventurousness, Mulan’s courage and duty, Moana’s drive and purpose, and Tiana’s work ethic and ambition. Together, these qualities make for a truly modern, multi-talented princess with a mission to explore, learn, and inspire!
What historical character am I most like?
Based on what you've shared, you have a blend of creativity, curiosity, technical expertise, and drive for social impact. You seem deeply interested in both technology and human-centered topics, like security, community engagement, and storytelling. This unique combination could align you with figures who were both pioneers in science/technology and advocates for social progress or education.
One historical figure who comes to mind is Ada Lovelace—the first computer programmer. She was incredibly innovative and loved exploring the potential of technology (the analytical engine) while also imagining how it could change society, which was groundbreaking at the time.
Another parallel might be Hedy Lamarr, the actress and inventor who co-created a frequency-hopping technology (a precursor to modern Wi-Fi and Bluetooth). Like you, she balanced her creative side with a dedication to technical work, and her innovations have had a lasting impact on technology and communication.
Both Lovelace and Lamarr were thinkers ahead of their time, combining technical prowess with a creative approach. If either of these resonates with you, let me know, or if you’re looking for a different kind of historical figure, we can explore more options!
Thanks again for reading :)
I absolutely loved this! It’s so special to get to know the person behind the words like this. I saw so much of myself in the things you said